Laura Thorburn, M.S., CCC-SLP
So you’ve met someone interesting. Maybe you were introduced by a friend, or you connected on a dating site. Now it’s time to get to know each other–and that’s where strong communication skills come in.
We know that communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. That’s especially true in dating. Whether you’re just starting out or you’ve been dating for a while, effective communication is key to understanding each other, building trust, and fostering a deeper connection.
So how can you communicate better when you’re dating? Read on for some expert communication tips for dating that you can start using today.
How to communicate on a first date
We communicate to make a point, ask for information, or persuade another person. But of course, that’s not all. When you’re dating, communication can build trust, which is the foundation of any strong relationship. By communicating openly and honestly, you develop a sense of trust with your partner. This trust allows both of you to feel secure and confident in the relationship.
Good communication is especially critical on the first few dates because it helps determine compatibility. When you communicate openly, it’s easier to tell if you’re a good match for each other.
Good communication is especially critical on the first few dates because it helps determine compatibility.
So how do you approach communication on the first date? You may feel nervous or self-conscious. You’re probably thinking about making a good first impression. But it’s important to be true to who you are, rather than just being agreeable. Ultimately, you’re looking for a compatible partner. If you focus on trying to please, you may eventually regret not stating your true position or values.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you need to jump into controversial topics or use a strong tone! Rather, as you get to know the other person, simply stay curious about them and their standpoint on certain topics.
The importance of balanced communication
No relationship is without its challenges. Effective communication also enables you to address issues as they arise, rather than letting them fester. It helps you find solutions that work for both parties, which is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship.
When you first meet someone, this is the time to determine ways that you’re alike and different and decide if these similarities and differences are compatible. By the same token, when you’re building a relationship with someone, be sure to balance the scales so that each person is sharing. Communicating your thoughts, feelings, and experiences with your partner fosters emotional intimacy. The more you communicate, the closer you become, which strengthens your bond and deepens your relationship.
Whether it's discussing future plans, setting boundaries, or simply sharing your thoughts and feelings, open communication ensures that both of you are on the same page.
6 communication tips for dating
Open communication may not always feel comfortable, and it doesn’t come easily for everyone. But meeting someone, sharing your thoughts, and listening to their perspectives requires you to be mindful of how you communicate. Let’s look at a few ways to communicate better when dating.
1 Practice active listening
Listening is just as important as speaking. When your partner is talking, focus on what they’re saying rather than thinking about how you’ll respond. Show that you’re listening by making eye contact, nodding, and providing verbal affirmations like “I see” or “That makes sense.”
Consider using “verbal mirroring,” which means repeating the most important three or four words the person said with an inquisitive tone. This will prompt them to go into more detail, which gives you a chance to learn more about them. Here’s an example. If your date says, “I used to drive more, but now I try to bike to work on most days of the week,” you could repeat, “Oh wow, most days of the week?”
2 Be honest and open
Honesty is key to effective communication. Share your thoughts and feelings openly with your partner. If something is bothering you, discuss it–don’t keep it to yourself. Transparency helps prevent misunderstandings and builds trust.
Remember that how you say something is just as important as what you say. Try to calmly state your position instead of criticizing the other person. Always communicate with respect. Dating is a time of discovering personality compatibility (or incompatibility). Hiding your feelings isn’t honest, but attacking someone for their ideas isn’t acceptable either. And in some cases, you may learn from the other person and begin to agree with their position.
3 Express yourself clearly
Be clear and direct when communicating your needs and desires. Again, much of this communication should be in a “partner” tone, rather than accusatory or demanding. Avoid vague statements, such as “whatever.” Don’t assume your partner knows what you’re thinking. When you don’t make your wants and needs known, the other person has to guess, which, over time, is frustrating and may lead to problems. Clear communication reduces the chances of misinterpretation and helps your partner understand you better.
When you don’t make your wants and needs known, the other person has to guess.
Keep in mind, too, that communication is a skill that takes time to develop. Be patient with your partner as you both work on improving your communication. If there are misunderstandings, take the time to clarify and ensure that both of you feel heard and understood.
4 Ask open-ended questions
To encourage deeper discussions, instead of asking yes-or-no questions, ask open-ended questions like "How do you feel about that?" or "What do you think we should do?" Questions that begin with How and What are preferable because they lead to more detailed and insightful answers. These types of questions promote deeper thinking and exploration of ideas, which can enhance understanding and help resolve issues by focusing on solutions rather than assigning blame. This promotes more meaningful exchanges and helps you get to know each other better.
5 Pay attention to nonverbal cues
Communication isn’t just about words. The majority of our message is conveyed through nonverbal cues like body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions.
Be aware of your own nonverbal signals, and pay attention to your partner’s as well. For example, watch to see the direction your partner places their body and whether they cross their arms or hold something in front of them. This may mean they’re not ready for you to move closer into their personal space. People become comfortable with sharing personal space at different speeds. So, observing your own openness and evaluating the other person’s body language can provide valuable insights into how each of you is feeling.
6 Practice empathy
Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and try to understand their perspective. Empathy helps you connect on a deeper level and makes it easier to navigate challenges together. It also fosters a more supportive and loving relationship.
Communication coaching can help!
Effective communication is the key to a successful dating relationship. By prioritizing open, honest, and respectful communication, you can build a strong foundation, navigate challenges together, and foster a deep, lasting connection with your partner. This is true whether you’ve just met or you’ve been together for awhile.
Expressable offers communication coaching to help adults communicate more clearly and confidently. You can work with a licensed speech therapist on social skills, verbal formulation, conversation skills, and other aspects of communication. Schedule a free phone consultation with one of our specialists to learn more about how we can help!
