Abby Barnes, M.S., CCC-SLP
You’ve heard of the terrible twos. But you can also think of the toddler years as an adventure! It’s busy, messy, and unpredictable, but it’s also exciting–and always memorable.
There are so many new things these little people can do as they leave their baby days behind. Your 2-year-old is probably talking more, playing games, and letting you know what they like and don’t like. At age 2, your child is starting to make their personality known!
As fun as this stage is, it also comes with some challenges and new things to navigate. Those might include toddler tantrums, big feelings, and a growing need for independence. Let’s learn from parents who’ve made it through this adventure (including some of our speech therapists) and find out what they wish they’d known before having a 2-year-old.
1. The best way to deal with toddler tantrums
It’s no secret that a toddler's big feelings can turn into temper tantrums. And often these tantrums aren’t exactly a walk in the park.
You may be surprised to know that temper tantrums are actually a normal part of child development. Young toddlers don’t yet have the ability to manage their emotions in a socially appropriate way. Whether your child is experiencing big feelings of anger or disappointment, or they're simply hungry or tired, these emotions can build up and explode with an outburst. Tantrums can leave parents feeling tense, as well.
One thing that can make a huge difference in your toddlers' response to their emotions is how you respond to their feelings.
Alexis Irazoque, M.S., CCC-SLP, is an Expressable speech therapist and a toddler mom. She says, “One of the best things you can do is stay regulated and calm as you respond to your child and interact with them. They need you to model self-regulation skills so they can learn how to do it themselves.”
Toddlers learn how to regulate their emotions by watching you. For example, if your toddler gets frustrated and starts to yell, take a deep breath and talk them through it in a normal voice. It may not always be easy, but when you remain calm, it shows your child how to remain calm as well.
2. Giving your toddler more independence
When your toddler was an infant, you had to do a lot for them. The diaper changes, the feedings, getting them dressed–they couldn’t do these things for themselves.
While your toddler is still extremely dependent on you, there’s a lot that a 2-year-old can begin to do themselves. They can probably climb a little easier on the playground, not needing quite as much help. They can help with simple tasks, like bringing you something you ask for, or maybe even trying to get themselves dressed. Slowly but surely, they’re becoming more independent. But it can be easy to overlook all the opportunities to “back off” a bit and let them try.
Expressable’s president and co-founder, Leanne Sherred, M.S., CCC-SLP, recalls catching a glimpse of this herself while watching her 2-year-old son eat his lunch. “I was surprised to realize how well he could use the utensils and feed himself, without much help from me!”
As your toddler gets older, you’ll see more new skills like these showing up. Keep your eyes open, and take it as a cue to step back and let them try!
3. Seeing a variety of behavior from your child
Your 2-year-old will likely keep you on your toes, especially when you’re around new people or out of the normal routine.
You may not realize that kids often “act out” more for their parents than they do for people they’re less familiar with. As Leanne puts it, “They see you, their caregiver, as their safe place–someone who can handle their big feelings or behaviors.” So that might mean your toddler is extra fussy with you, but those behaviors don’t show up with Grandma.
As frustrating as it might be, this is normal for 2-year-olds! So next time your child saves those challenging behaviors for you, try to remind yourself it’s because of the close bond that you share.
4. Dealing with picky eating
As your baby grows into a toddler, their diet is likely to expand. Some toddlers are ready to eat anything, but others may not be as adventurous. For some 2–year-olds, picky eating begins to make an appearance. Others may have sensory aversions or oral-motor issues that qualify as a feeding disorder.
If your 2-year-old is sometimes selective about what they eat, chances are you’re dealing with typical toddler behavior at mealtimes. As Alexis explains, this is often due to the toddler’s growing need for independence. In these instances, she recommends offering choices. When you can give your toddler some control over what they’re eating, it will have big payoffs. They’ll feel some of that independence they’re hoping for, which should make mealtime a bit easier for everyone.
When you give your toddler some control over what they’re eating, it should make meals a bit easier.
Here’s an example. You can choose two items you’re OK with your child eating, then let them pick one. You might ask, “Would you like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or a turkey sandwich for lunch?” or “Do you want strawberries or apples?”
You can even change up some things about mealtime itself to make it more fun. “Do you want to eat inside, or have a picnic outside?” “Do you want your PAW Patrol plate, or your soccer ball plate?” These seemingly small choices can make all the difference for your child!
5. Helping your 2-year-old’s language growth
So much language growth and development happens at this stage. By age 2, most toddlers are saying around 50 words (or more!). Not only are they talking more and using new words, but they also start to pair these words into two-word phrases. You might hear “More juice!” or the infamous toddler phrase “It’s mine!” These phrases offer better clues about what your child is thinking or needing.
Keep in mind, however, that 2-year-olds may need reminders to use their new communication skills. So while they may use two-word phrases when commenting about something they see, when it’s time to tell you what they need, they may revert to crying or pointing, instead of using words.
Stay calm and help your child communicate. You can model words or phrases for them to repeat after you. Don’t worry if it takes some time for your toddler to learn this. It’s new for them and it takes practice.
How do you know if your 2-year-old needs speech therapy?
If you think your child may be behind in their speech and language development, don’t hesitate to contact a speech therapist. In fact, the earlier, the better! Age 2 is a time of huge language growth, so it’s the ideal time to get your child the support they need.
If you’re not sure if your toddler is on track, take our free online screener. The results will let you know if a speech evaluation is recommended for your child. Or, you can schedule a free phone consultation with one of our specialists. We’d be happy to answer your questions and help you determine the right next steps.
