Abby Barnes, M.S., CCC-SLP
Have you ever talked with someone and noticed they aren’t looking at you much? You might wonder if that lack of eye contact means the person isn’t listening to you. You might even worry that they’re bored.
These thoughts come from society’s expectation of how a typical conversation “should” look. However, not everyone views eye contact as necessary. And some people, including some with autism, may have trouble with eye contact and find it uncomfortable.
Naturally, this can lead to bumps in communication between someone who is neurotypical and someone who’s autistic. But this doesn’t have to be the case. The goal isn’t to force eye contact on autistic people or those who are uncomfortable with it. Instead, the key is to have a mutual understanding of how both people communicate.
Why do some autistic people have trouble with eye contact?
Autism is a form of neurodivergence. Neurodivergence refers to people whose brains work differently than what society considers “normal,” or “neurotypical.” Neurodivergent people may have differences in communication, learning, social preferences, and behavior.
For neurotypical people, maintaining eye contact in conversation is a sign of interest and engagement. It shows that they’re paying attention. It can even be a sign of respect.
Some autistic people have difficulty with eye contact. But this doesn’t have anything to do with showing respect, and it doesn’t mean they aren’t engaged in the conversation.
Many autistic adults say they experience sensory overload or negative symptoms from eye contact.
There are a few reasons for limited eye contact in autistic people. For many, it’s simply uncomfortable. In fact, many autistic adults say they experience sensory overload or negative symptoms from eye contact. These might include dizziness, headaches, faster heart rate, nausea, pain, or tremors.
Autistic people may feel that eye contact should only be used in trusting relationships, such as with a close friend, partner, or family member. Eye contact can feel too intimate or even distracting when talking with others.
Given these factors, it’s understandable that some autistic individuals don’t use eye contact the way neurotypical people do. However, keep in mind that difficulty with eye contact doesn’t mean a person is autistic. And while limited eye contact is often a sign of autism, not every person with autism has difficulty with eye contact.
Should eye contact be forced in people with autism?
Differences in nonverbal communication between someone who is neurotypical and someone who is neurodivergent may create miscommunication or misunderstanding.
An autistic child who does not look at their teacher’s eyes while their teacher is speaking to them may appear disrespectful or inattentive, simply because of their differences in communication. An autistic adult at a business lunch may appear this same way to the neurotypical business partner they’re speaking with.
Neurodivergent people should be able to communicate in a way that feels comfortable and authentic for them.
Because these differences in communication can cause problems, some autistic people may feel the need to “mask.” This means they try to find ways to appear more neurotypical in order to improve their communication and relationships. They may try to act like other people, imitating their gestures, using similar words or phrasing, or forcing eye contact, even if it’s uncomfortable.
Neurodivergent people should be able to communicate in a way that feels comfortable and authentic for them. Neurotypical people can learn and understand that autistic people may communicate differently than they do–and that that’s OK! Lack of eye contact doesn't mean there’s a problem, but rather a difference in communication types.
How speech therapy can support autistic individuals
Many autistic people benefit from speech therapy at some point in their life. Many will receive therapy during their childhood years, while some autistic adults may seek speech therapy later in life.
The goal of speech therapy is not to make a neurodivergent person appear more neurotypical in their communication. Rather, it should help the person learn how to communicate effectively in a way that’s authentic to who they are. This is called neurodiversity-affirming speech therapy.
It’s important to note that being neurodiversity-affirming doesn’t mean we deny that neurodivergent people may have challenges. Rather, we provide support and accommodations in areas that are meaningful to the person and their families, instead of trying to “fix” or “cure” them. We presume the person is competent, and when challenges come up, we find ways to adjust the environment and increase society’s understanding while helping the person build new skills.
Can speech therapy help improve eye contact?
Speech therapy for autistic individuals should take a strengths-based approach. This means the therapist works with the client to build upon their existing skills and help them communicate in a way that feels right to them. This includes social communication skills, such as eye contact and other nonverbal communication.
Eye contact shouldn’t be forced in speech therapy. However, if the person wants to work on eye contact or learn to communicate in ways that appear more neurotypical, their speech therapist can focus on that. For example, the person may practice looking just above a person’s eyes, instead of into their eyes. This may satisfy their desire to show more eye contact without having to be uncomfortable. However, a speech therapist should not decide to make eye contact a goal in therapy or push a client to adapt more neurotypical behaviors.
Remember, a neurodivergent person’s communication skills may look different than we expect, and that’s OK! Speech therapy should support their development of communication skills that feel authentic to them, so they can connect meaningfully with others.
How to become neurodiversity affirming
One of the best ways to learn more about affirming neurodiversity is by listening to autistic people. We should listen to their experiences and perspectives, and then (most importantly!) adjust our approach based on what we learn.
There are many blogs and other publications written by autistic adults in which they share what it means to be inclusive. Some recommendations are the Autism Self-Advocacy Network (ASAN); Rachel Dorsey, SLP; and Temple Grandin.
Additional resources about neurodiversity-affirming care written by neurotypical people in collaboration with autistic people are the book Uniquely Human, the website Play Spark, and writings by Jessie Ginsburg, SLP.
An important note about our use of identity-first language: When speaking about any community as a whole, our goal is to prioritize that community’s voices and preferences. Within the larger autism community, the current language preference is identity-first. Expressable is committed to learning from the populations we serve. If and when their preferences change, we’ll adjust our approach accordingly.
